Are you a sister, mother, daughter, lover, wife, colleague or friend trying to connect with a man who is distant. Are you a man who feels like stranded on an island and can’t find a way to communicate? You’re not alone.  

“No man is an Island…” – John Donne

cast·a·way [ˈkɑːstəˌweɪ]

Alone.

My Grade 11 English teacher first introduced me to the ‘No Man is an Island’ quote. I got what English poet Donne was saying: we are all directly or indirectly connected and our actions affect one another accordingly. While this is a core belief of mine, I remember reading that lonely quote set adrift on the chalkboard and thinking to myself ‘but Men are islands…‘

I am a rock,
I am an island.

And a rock feels no pain;
And an island never cries.

– Simon and Garfunkel, I Am A Rock

Just like when you first put a seashell to your ear, does something sound familiar to you? Does this sound like a man, young man or boy in your life? Does this sound like you? Someone is trying to reach you, trying to find you, looking for you, but you are not there.

Sending out an SOS

Maybe you are desperate to reach out to someone walled up in a internal fortress. Maybe you are hoping to find their message in a bottle. Maybe you are hoping for that breakthrough with your son, father, lover or friend.

Sending out an SOS

Maybe you are trying to connect and communicate. So many young men today are lost or stranded in a deserted island of manhood, and don’t know how to get in touch. Boys, at any age, desperate to find a way back but don’t know if they ever will.

Sending out an SOS

Maybe you found that one person to open up to, but they drifted away.

“What people forget is a journey to nowhere
starts with a single step, too.” 

― Chuck Palahniuk, Survivor

Some have tried to reach out and are adrift at sea, dehydrated of hope and drifting, helplessly in need of being rescued.

 They put me in a situation forcin’ me to be a man
When I was just learnin’ to stand without a helpin’ hand

I’m slippin’ I’m fallin’ I gots to get up
Get me back on my feet so I can tear shit up

– DMX – Slippin’

When we think of men telling a story, you might imagine the story is loud, embellished, action-packed, or over-the top. What I love about Castaway is how it allows the story to breathe and move like a slow moving ripple in the water. There are volumes of words expressed with no words, just long, beautiful moments of silence. Men spend much time in silence: silence among others, or stranded within themselves. Years spent holding onto something from the past, alone on an island of anger. Emotionally missing, lost within your own world, or consumed, obsessed with the pursuit of something we can’t find. Sometimes a man needs to lose himself, to find himself.

I’ll send an SOS to the world
I hope that someone gets my
Message in a bottle

Sending out an SOS
Sending out an SOS

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qaA_fSYfmTQ]

So, which direction are you headed now? Are you setting a course, or adrift travelling whichever way the wind blows? At any given moment, we are standing at a crossroads. We can go one way and find Our way, or we can go another and drift further out to sea. Don’t be ashamed or afraid to ask for help, admit you need help. It’s never too late to talk, to open up, to let go. Chuck Noland started by opened up to a volleyball. I know, but hey, it’s a start.

It’s never too late for a fresh start.

So, which way are you headed?

_______________________

Jeff Perera has spoken to people from all walks of life for over 6 years (from organizations to community spaces to grade school, high school and post-secondary students) about how society’s unattainable concepts of masculinity are effecting men and boys as well as impacting women and girls.  He has delivered two TEDx talks on Masculinity and men’s toxic pursuits of identity: Words Speak Louder Than Actions and The Ladder of Manhood. Jeff started Higher Unlearning, as an online space to explore how ideas of gender and masculinity play out in everyday life where we work, live and study.